My home smells like him :(
I really don't want to miss him, but I do...
Hating not knowing when or even IF Ill ever see him again...
Still hating to be the one who cares the most...
I think it's so unfair... Fate.. Universe.. God... Who or whatever that decides what we humans feel or not feel.... Why cant it be equal? Whatever I feel or think of someone else is the same thing the person feels or think about me?
I miss him so much.... Why can't he miss me the same... Or why can't I miss him less to match what he feels.
He made such a big impact in my heart and in my soul.... In my life.... Why did I never effect him even a small portion of how he effected me through times.
I'm just one of many for him.... He will always be one of the people first in line in my heart, and in my mind.
He doesn't even want to call me his friend... So I don't even know what I should feel to be equal? Nothing I guess?
I would die for the ones I love the most, including him...
If he ever felt the same as me.... I guess we could be the bestest of friends... Sharing our life, dreams, hopes... Taking care of each other in some small way every day, The big ways when needed...
I Just think its cruel.... Why must I feel a world of sadness over him, not being a real part of his life..,, when he... I don't know... I wonder if he ever thinks of me, miss me... Just an ordinary day, when I haven't made him remember me..... Does he ever see me before him and smile?
I smile... And I cry...and then I smile again...