I do need to learn how to stop living in the past (and somewhat in the future) and start focusing on what's happening NOW!
Cause it's unreasonable to feel like this... Instead of being only pleased and happy. I do know now I'm over you completely, I'm not in love with you, I don't want to be with you, I don't want to have a relationship with you... And it's great! I feel free... And I'm even starting to accept the fact we are drifting away from each other, more and more... I know we won't be able to see, to reach each other pretty soon. I think we just fighting the last breath in this, whatever we have, hanging on to something we had.. Not wanting to admit its already over. You don't feel anything for me anymore, and I... I still feel, but less and less..

So why the sadness?
Cause I still can't really get over me never being enough, never worth it. I'm sad of all those times I watch you speak/write to others for hours... In a way you never did with me...(not even in the beginning). Why weren't you interested in what I had to say? What I thought? Why didn't you ever wanted to get to know ME? Cause you think you do, but you don't... Cause we never TALKED. The times we had longer conversation was when you talked and talked about you... As soon as I tried to say something about me, you didn't listen, changed the subject.
Why didn't you want to make ME happy? Why all the others? Why didn't you want to take care of ME? In ANY way? Not only as a couple? Why were everyone else so much more important? I know I should let things like this go. Cause I will never get an answer, and it can't be changed. I just don't understand... I did all I could... Why not me??
And I guess you speak the truth when you say you'll never change, so I can be sure of it would always be like its been... And I'm over that...
But you do contradict yourself...cause you talked about doing it right towards me in the future, taking care of me, not having me in the background etc... But then you WOULD have to change... Did you think about that?

And the sadness lies in me not being in love, not ever again wanting to be with you (the same as you feel for me)... It's irrational, I know.. But a part of me gets sad knowing the door is completely shut now.. And locked forever... We will never ever be together... We (i) will never know if we could have been happy, found home. It's stupid. Cause I don't even want to. But I hate knowing I don't know, I will never know.

Really going to try to focus on the present. Be happy. Giving my attention to the people deserving (and wanting) it. My love is lying somewhere else now. And it always will from now on.

It's just that thorn in my heart... You making me feel worth less than I am.
I'm a GOOD woman, worth the world. No one is allowed to make me feel anything else. Not even you.

But I'll always miss you (and love you) in my own way..